Fellow posters,

I am asking for your help. I am a rabid Gamecock fan and attended there in the early 80s. I served in the US Army (INFANTRY) after that and then went into the business world. A few years ago, I made a radical transition in my life and entered full-time ministry. I am now in Peoria, IL pastoring/building a church from scratch. Hard but fulfilling work.

Here's where I'm asking for your help. On any given Sunday, there are 13 million more women than men attending church across America. Obviously, something is SERIOUSLY wrong. Guys who grow up attending church on a regular basis, abandon it in huge numbers (upwards of 75% - 80%).

As the planter of a brand new church, I have the freedom to create and lead something that looks much different from a typical church. I want to create an environment that is inviting, challenging, and rewarding for men.

So I have two questions that I would deeply appreciate any input on.

1. Why do men hate going to church? What are the obstacles, hurdles, problems, objections that many of you (or any other guys you know) have when it comes to attending church (or even giving church a try)?

2. What would appeal to you? What would intrigue you? What would a church look like, feel like, that would interest you and hold your attention?

I am serious about your input. If you've ever wanted to complain about the problems that you see in church, or what you would like to see in church (specifically as it relates to you, i.e., men), then this is your chance. Your insight will help me as I seek to create an environment that men can relate to.

If any of you would like to respond privately, please feel free to pm me. This is not a flaming thread. I will not criticize or critique any response, and I'm asking that no one else do it either. I'm actually looking for problems/suggestions. Bring them on. Thanks in advance.

I'll give you an honest answer, men are more about facts and reality, women are more likely to accept things and are emotional in nature. (Yes these are generalizations, and no, I'm not saying women are dumber) I think to appeal to men, churches need to be more flexible, some of the stuff that is said it church is very hard to believe in the year 2006 when so many people are educated and have access to information and history. Alot of the stuff in the bible is outlandish, etc. and very 1st millenium A.D. I would suggest changing some of the teaching habits and maybe not using the old Fear Tactics of the bible, use more modern day andecdotes/stories, etc. Also, personally (I know many of you disagree), I would suggest moving more towards an "active" church, where instead of sitting and listening to how FAGS and QUEERS are gonna ruin the world, the congregation instead spends sunday mornings working on building a house, running a soup kitchen, adopting a highway, volunteering at a hospital, etc etc etc. Action would appeal to me and make me feel I'm doing something good and worthwhile, and I know alot of other Males would feel more welcome in an "active" environment. BTW, I wanna say good idea and I'm glad that you're willing to take suggestions and new ideas, I wish more pastors/priests/etc would follow your lead....

i'm not a very religious person, but i grew up in a fairly religious family and attended mass every week for most of my life. the most important thing for me was humor. the best priests i ever had (and the same would obviously go for preachers/ministers/etc) were ones that would make church fun/entertaining/humorous whenever possible. obviously there are going to be moments when cracking jokes is inappropriate, but i don't see why praising god can't be fun in general. rick warren might be the most famous preacher in america these days and he seems to wear those hawaiian shirts everywhere and always seems to have a humorous story to share. i don't know if you're a funny guy, but if you are i would take advantage of that to try and create a christ-loving atmosphere that is also fun....much easier to pay attention that way.

i think guys in general are stubborn and don't want to be told what they're doing wrong, but if they can learn the same lessons through a humorous anecdote they'll be far more likely to return the following week.

I think a lot of people were forced to go at a young age, and during the middle years (13-16) church was a place to be social so people enjoyed it. By the time your parents let you become independent and make your own choices and have a vehicle, a lot of people abandon the social interaction at church and go elsewhere. Also, it's tough to get up early in the morning for some people, especially after a saturday night of having fun with friends. Of course when you're in college it's even harder.

By this time you've already got your habits in life set, and it's hard to break habits. Most men probably don't go back and attend church regularly unless they attend it with a girlfriend or wife. So if you're interested in getting more men to attend church, you need to appeal to the single guys and girls to get them to come. Also, there needs to be some interesting topics that guys can enjoy as well as interaction with other guys after church, so they can get acquainted with the community. I think that sports like volleyball, softball etc. is a good way to keep some interested as well as bar-b-ques or monthly parties.

I've been active in a church for over 16 yrs now. I can't imagine life without it. It's food for the soul. You wouldn't try going through life without eating real food now would ya?

Dawg...great for you. I appreciate your enthusiasm and commitment to church. But many men who are active in church have lost perspective on why men who DON'T attend church stay home. Something's missing. Something's wrong for far too many men.

I commend your dedication, but I challenge you to look around your church this Sunday and count noses. I promise you, you'll probably find a nearly 60/40 split between men and women.

I want to figure out how to connect to those guys that need what we have to offer, but are missing out because we've gotten stuck in ruts and habits that keep them from coming.

Keep watching this thread. This will be a great eye-opener for a lot of us.

1. Why do men hate going to church? What are the obstacles, hurdles, problems, objections that many of you (or any other guys you know) have when it comes to attending church (or even giving church a try)?

It has been my observation that most men feel church members are unable to follow through on a daily basis with how they try to act on Sunday. (hippocritical) Well I have rubbed shoulders all my life with hippocrits in the grocery store, at the mall, and at every ballgame I have ever been to and I think there is plenty of room in church for a few more.


2. What would appeal to you? What would intrigue you? What would a church look like, feel like, that would interest you and hold your attention?

Church, when I went with my parents as a kid was just too dry and legalistic. As an adult I searched until I found a church that had cool music, a pastor that could sit and talk to me as a friend, and a place I felt comfortable. There are plenty of churches in every city all accross the U.S. and with a little luck everyone can find a place of spiritual refuge.

When I was in my drinking days there were plenty of watering holes for every type of person out there with a few dollars to spend. I think nowadays it's not that hard to find a church for everyone as well. Just because you didn't find the right one on the first try doesn't mean you should give up. Did you give up when you didn't like the looks of the people inside the bar you went to for the first time or did ya just try another one? Or did ya just keep going until they knew your name and you felt like you fit in?

Having a relaxed atmosphere helps in many cases. A lot of guys don't like the idea of putting on a suit and tie to go to church. I've seen many churches thrive because they encourage people to come no matter how they are dressed. If a guy doesn't wear a suit and tie during the week, he isn't going to want to put one on his day off. Advertising activities like barbeques and trips lets people know you're not all about scorning them either.

As a guy, who grew up in church and went to Christian school, I hafta say that the reason I don't go as much as I should is because I am lazy. I work really hard during the week, which I know isn't an excuse, and I just want to lay around and go to Sunday night service. Another thing I have found lately is that even though I don't go as often as I should, I still like the old "singing and shouting, preaching and praying" services. I am trying to find a woman I can settle down and have a family with but the young people (20-25 year olds) just don't like the old style anymore.

i think churches should offer a mid-week night service. one of the reasons you are missing out on the single male population is b/c this is a very active population, particularly on the weekends. their weekends are full and they choose to do other things than designate a time for church.

a wednesday night service may come as a stress releiver to many men and also the personal fulfillment many seek by going to church once a week.

I honestly do not know why men are not coming, I love my Church, I am very active and I am there every time the doors open. Wouldn't trade it for anything. After this thread was started, I really got to thinking about it..(if that is possible) and concluded I just don't know and really can't imagine it. I found this site. It has a message board where Pastors are actually discussing this topic. Hope you get the answers you need, and good luck on your new Church. I am in the construction business, I know what you will be going through for the next several months, I do it every day.



http://www.churchformen.com/leaders.php

RW, I don't think it has anything to do with Facts and reality, I mean nothing is more real than Jesus Christ, I think it has to do with Macho Macho Man. I wanna be your macho man

not sure I follow, is church missing the Village People? (j/k)

Rebel....

I appreciate your response. I have noticed in other threads that you have participated in that you have a healthy view of God and scripture.

I am particularly excited that you noted the churchformen website. Dave Murrow, the author of the book and website, has become my friend. We actually had our grand opening in September with Dave on hand. Check out this link...

http://www.churchformen.com/eNewslet...October05.html

I feel like we are pioneering something that is desparately needed. But as with any pioneering effort, there aren't many established roads to follow. So we're still in the process of trying to figure out what this looks like.

Having been on this board for a while now, I felt like the guys here would be able to shed some much needed light on the problem.

Men who have been attending church for years have a hard time figuring out what's missing. It's the old frog in the kettle syndrome. But there clearly is a disconnect for most men.

I truly appreciate guys posting their thoughts and opinions on this subject here. It's going to be a HUGE help for me.

first of all I am an Professional Educator of Adults mainly in the Real Estate and Mortgage industries and am very popular because no matter how often I teach these subjects I teach them w/humour and PASSION w/real life anecdotes

A problem w/alot of churches is the pastor/preacher/minister is bland and boring or that person has an air that he is superior to others.