Ingredients:
How the hell should I know?


Instructions:
Empty out the last of the tea from the pitcher. Leave pitcher on the counter. Find wife and tell her we need some more tea (no need to tell her sweet tea, since the sweet part is understood). Go sit down and un-pause whatever you were watching. Repeat process once pitcher is emptied again.

Brined and Sugar-Cane Smoked Turkey


I cook my turkey in a big barbecue pit. It gets hotter than a smoker, but because I keep the turkey away from direct heat, it cooks slowly and absorbs a lot of smoky flavor. It comes out with a crisp skin with a beautiful orange-bronze color. It also smells wonderful, and retains more moisture than it would if it were cooked any other way. I get the sugar cane that I use with the charcoal from a friend's sugar plantation. During the sugar cane harvest (which takes place right before Thanksgiving most years), most growers will let you take as much of their scrap as you want. If you can't get sugar cane, standard smoking woods like pecan, oak, hickory, or mesquite will do the job.

• 1 turkey, about 12-15 pounds
• Salt and pepper
• 2 ribs celery, cut up
• 1 onion, cut up
• 1 orange, cut into eighths
• 1 lemon, cut into quarters
• A shake of tarragon
• A stem of fresh rosemary

1. Thaw the turkey if frozen. This takes at least four days, and should be done in the refrigerator. Put it into the pan you'll roast it in to catch any leaks. After it thaws, remove that metal or plastic thing holding the legs together (a pair of pliers is essential, I find). Remove the giblets and neck from the cavity, and clip off the wing tips. (You can use these parts for making stock for the gravy.)

2. The day before, marinate the turkey in a brine. The standard proportion is one cup of salt to one gallon of water. Make enough of this to completely cover the turkey in an ice chest with an unopened (so as not to dilute the brine) bag of ice to keep everything cold. The brining process takes twelve to eighteen hours for a fifteen-pound turkey. Another method is to put the turkey and the brine solution inside a leakproof plastic bag, and put it into the refrigerator.

3. The morning of the day you want to serve the turkey, dump the brine and rinse the bird very well inside and out with cold water. Season it with salt (yes!) and pepper. Stuff the cavity with all the other ingredients, and tie the legs just tightly enough to keep everything inside.

4. Fire up the grill with charcoal and sugar cane or smoking wood, soaked in water and then shaken dry. Put the turkey into an aluminum pan with a loose tent of foil over the top. Place the turkeys as far as possible away from the fire, and hang a curtain of foil down to ward off direct heat. Any heat that gets to the turkey should arrive in smoke.

5. Close the cover. Add coals and cane at intervals to maintain a temperature of 200 to 250 degrees inside the pit. It takes six to seven hours for the internal temperature of the turkey to reach about 180 degrees. Use a meat thermometer for this; the useless pop-up plastic indicator will pop only when the turkey is overcooked.

6. Take the turkey out and put it on the table to rest and cool before carving. Although it may be tempting, don't use the drippings for the gravy. They reduce so much during the long cooking time that they become impossibly salty.
Turkey Giblet Gravy

• Turkey neck and wing tips
• Giblets other than liver
• 1 onion, cut up
• 1 rib celery, cut up
• Stems from a bunch of parsley
• 1 small carrot, cut up
• 1/4 tsp. leaf thyme
• 1/4 tsp. marjoram
• 1/2 tsp. black peppercorns
• 1 bay leaf
• Pan juices and drippings from turkey
• 1/4 cup flour

1. Bring two quarts of water to a boil and add the turkey necks, the giblets, onion, celery, parsley, and carrot. Put the thyme, marjoram, peppercorns, and bay leaf into an herb infuser or cheesecloth pouch and add to the pot. Keep at a low boil for two hours, or long enough to reduce the liquid by about half.
2. Strain the stock and chill until the turkey's ready.
3. After removing the turkey from the roasting pan, pour the drippings into a gravy separator or small bowl and let stand to allow the fat to rise to the top. Meanwhile, add a little water to the pan and scrape up the browned bits on the inside bottom. Add this to the drippings.
4. Remove all the fat you can from the drippings, but save about one-fourth of a cup of the fat. Use this with the flour to make a light roux in a separate pan.
5. Combine the stock, the defatted drippings and the roux in a saucepan over low heat. Whisk as it comes to a boil to get a smooth texture. Add salt and pepper, if needed, to taste.

Just got back from my Initial Entry Training for the Army. It was tough, but was a rather enjoyable experience. My unit is deploying to the Middle East for 10 weeks, but by the grace of god, I don't have to go with um. I'll be finishing up my last bit of college and going to my weekend Reserve Drills. It's good to be back. I had to miss most of the games this year, but I did catch the 4th quarter of the BAMA vs UT game in the day room of my barracks. I got put on extra duty for a week because I was screaming so loud. I hope everyone has been doing well.

A group of girlfriends are on vacation when they see a 5-story hotel with a sign that reads: "For Women Only". Since they are without their boyfriends and husbands, they decide to go in.

The bouncer, a very attractive guy, explains to them how it works. "We have 5 floors. Go up floor by floor, and once you find what you are looking for, you can stay there. It's easy to decide since each floor has a sign telling you what's inside."

So they start going up and on the first floor the sign reads: "All the men on this floor are short and plain." The friends laugh and without hesitation move on to the next floor.

The sign on the second floor reads: "All the men here are short and handsome."

Still, this isn't good enough, so the friends continue on up.

They reach the third floor and the sign reads: "All the men here are tall and plain." They still want to do better, and so, knowing there are still two floors left, they continued on up.

On the fourth floor, the sign says: "All the men here are tall and handsome. They are rich and perfectly built"

The women get all excited and are going in when they realize that there is still one floor left. Wondering what they are missing, they head on up to the fifth floor. There they find a sign that reads: "There are no men here. This floor was built only to prove that there is no way to please a woman."

Is about to have another baby

World's smallest mother to risk giving birth for third time | Mail Online
































































lol wut

A Florida and a Tennessee football player are riding in a car together, who is driving?
v
v
v
v
v
v
v
v
v
v
v
v
v
v
v
v
The Cops.....:D

Anyone check out this mini-series, or whatever it was? 3 two hour long segments that started Sunday night and concluded last night...it starred that Caviezel actor who played Christ in The Passion, as well as Ian McKellan (Magneto). It was really trippy and confusing, but if you put some "effort" into following it, it all fell into place in the final segment.

Overall I really enjoyed it- did anyone else catch it?

Whatever it is. I'm off on work on Wed. for the first time in forever. What comes on tonight that's worth a damn?

Technological Doctor


One day, a man complained to his friend, "My elbow really hurts, guess I should see a doctor."

His friend said, "Don't do that. There's a computer at the drug store that can diagnose anything quicker and cheaper than a doctor. Simply put in a sample of your urine, and the computer will diagnose your problem and tell you what you can do about it. And it only costs $10.00."

The guy figured he had nothing to lose, so he filled a jar with a urine sample and went to the drug store. Finding the computer, he poured in the sample and deposited the $10.00. The computer started making some noise andvarious lights started flashing. After a brief pause, out popped a small slip of paper which read:
You have tennis elbow.
Soak your arm in warm water, avoid heavy labor.
It will be better in two weeks.

That evening while thinking how amazing this new technology was and how it would change medical science forever, he began to wonder if this computer could be fooled.

He decided to give it a try. He mixed together some tap water, a stool sample from his dog, and urine samples from his wife and daughter. To top it off, he masturbated into the concoction. He went back to the drug store, located the computer, poured in thisample and deposited the $10.00. The machine again made the usual noises,flashedlights, and printed out the following analysis:
Your tap water is too hard. Get a water softener.
Your dog has ringworm. Bathe him with anti-fungal shampoo.
Your daughter is using cocaine. Put her in a rehabilitation clinic.
Your wife is pregnant....twin girls. They aren't yours. Get a lawyer.

And.... if you don't stop jerking off, your elbow will never get better!

If you like Harry Potter and are over the age of 8 you probably perform fellatio in bathrooms.

Empowering the Slave Class: Astounding Facts About Illegals



From the L. A. Times

1. 40% of all workers in L. A. County ( L. A. County has 10.2 million people) are working for cash and not paying taxes. This is because they are predominantly illegal immigrants working without a green card.


2. 95% of warrants for murder in Los Angeles are for illegal aliens.


3. 75% of people on the most wanted list in Los Angeles are illegal aliens.


4. Over 2/3 of all births in Los Angeles County are to illegal alien Mexicans on Medi-Cal, whose births were paid for by taxpayers.


5. Nearly 35% of all inmates in California detention centers are Mexican nationals here illegally.


6. Over 300,000 illegal aliens in Los Angeles County are living in garages.


7. The FBI reports half of all gang members in Los Angeles are most likely illegal aliens from south of the border.


8 Nearly 60% of all occupants of HUD properties are illegal.


9. 21 radio stations in L. A. are Spanish speaking.


10.. In L. A. County 5.1 million people speak English, 3..9 million speak Spanish.
(There are 10.2 million people in L. A. County . )

(All 10 of the above facts were published in the Los Angeles Times)

Less than 2% of illegal aliens are picking our crops, but 29% are on welfare. Over 70% of the United States annual population growth (and over 90% of California, Florida, and New York) results from immigration. 29% of inmates in federal prisons are illegal aliens

This is a Southern specialty and perfect for the Thanksgiving table.


Pecan Pie

3 eggs
1 cup sugar
1/2 cup Karo syrup
1 tsp. vanilla
1 cup broken pecans
1/2 stick butter (unsalted)

Combine all except butter. Melt butter and add to this mixture. Pour into unbaked, dough pie shell and bake at 350 degrees for 45-60 minutes. Cover with foil for last half of baking time. (tests done when a knife inserted into center of pie comes out clean.)