Need help guys...It will be fun too!

[CarolinaGrad07]

So i am less than one month away from graduating college at USC and am a pathetic 5yr senior taking speech.( i know pathetic, just cant get up and talk in front of people) so i was looking for a funny persuasive speech to do. I have decided to do "Why it is time to throw in your Carolina hats." (done in satire) So i was looking for some funny reasons to tell my fellow hurtin classmates. (Please be somewhat nice... we all are hurting right now, but i do need help) Thanks guys.

[Arclight]

Hey, do not feel bad. In this conference you can be hurting on almost any weekend. You never know what team will lay one on ya. http://www.bassboatcentral.com/smileys/wink.gif

[smfr]

Your masot...plenty of reason. Georgia use to be the goats we changed to Bulldogs and seemed to work out better.

[D^3]

So i am less than one month away from graduating college at USC and am a pathetic 5yr senior taking speech.( i know pathetic, just cant get up and talk in front of people) so i was looking for a funny persuasive speech to do. I have decided to do "Why it is time to throw in your Carolina hats." (done in satire) So i was looking for some funny reasons to tell my fellow hurtin classmates. (Please be somewhat nice... we all are hurting right now, but i do need help) Thanks guys.


"Friends....classmates.... cock-lovers, I stand before you a humbled fan. Years I have long awaited the prophesied glory days of South Carolina football, and followed blindly the lead of the man in the burning visor. I believed, as you all did, that no longer would we suffer at the hands of the evil axis in the East, those dreaded Bulldogs and Gators, along with the hillbillies in Tennessee. Indeed I was confident that we would rise from mediocrity and seize our dream, our hope, our destiny... a conference championship. This year we successfully destroyed foes in Athens, and the gamecock faithful believed this was the year. "This is the year" we said, and we made our plans for Atlanta in December. However these high hopes soon fell apart, much like Britney Spears' marriage. What soon became evident was that we were not in fact, contenders. No, we were pretenders. We were only led to believe we were great. The man we call the ol' ball coach is a false prophet. He speaks lies and deceit... he cannot deliver to us a championship. And if he can't, who can? Despair overwhelmed me when I fell under the realization that if the winningest coach in modern SEC history could not turn our program around, then nobody could. Many a nights I've spent crying into my pillow... and occasionally biting it as I saw the highlights of Georgia moving up in the polls. Damn the bulldogs. Damn them all to hell. I can take this no longer. My heart has been broken too many times. A man can only have his heart broken by a woman so many times before he eventually stops taking her back; and the same should be true for football. That's right. I'm breaking up with the Gamecocks. I've decided to go with somebody else. I'm going to see Clemson."

[DevilDawgDick]

Cock lovers.

[CarolinaGrad07]

"Friends....classmates.... cock-lovers, I stand before you a humbled fan. Years I have long awaited the prophesied glory days of South Carolina football, and followed blindly the lead of the man in the burning visor. I believed, as you all did, that no longer would we suffer at the hands of the evil axis in the East, those dreaded Bulldogs and Gators, along with the hillbillies in Tennessee. Indeed I was confident that we would rise from mediocrity and seize our dream, our hope, our destiny... a conference championship. This year we successfully destroyed foes in Athens, and the gamecock faithful believed this was the year. "This is the year" we said, and we made our plans for Atlanta in December. However these high hopes soon fell apart, much like Britney Spears' marriage. What soon became evident was that we were not in fact, contenders. No, we were pretenders. We were only led to believe we were great. The man we call the ol' ball coach is a false prophet. He speaks lies and deceit... he cannot deliver to us a championship. And if he can't, who can? Despair overwhelmed me when I fell under the realization that if the winningest coach in modern SEC history could not turn our program around, then nobody could. Many a nights I've spent crying into my pillow... and occasionally biting it as I saw the highlights of Georgia moving up in the polls. Damn the bulldogs. Damn them all to hell. I can take this no longer. My heart has been broken too many times. A man can only have his heart broken by a woman so many times before he eventually stops taking her back; and the same should be true for football. That's right. I'm breaking up with the Gamecocks. I've decided to go with somebody else. I'm going to see Clemson."

While i wanted to cry during that reading, i couldnt help but to laugh as i could see the faces of my fellow classmates mouths drop in awe and confusion. Thanks....i guess:dry:

[GeauxTo]

Pass out visors to everyone and conduct a practice session of throwing the visors to the ground a-la Steve Spurrier.

[Tennessee Ted]

"Friends....classmates.... cock-lovers, I stand before you a humbled fan. Years I have long awaited the prophesied glory days of South Carolina football, and followed blindly the lead of the man in the burning visor. I believed, as you all did, that no longer would we suffer at the hands of the evil axis in the East, those dreaded Bulldogs and Gators, along with the hillbillies in Tennessee. Indeed I was confident that we would rise from mediocrity and seize our dream, our hope, our destiny... a conference championship. This year we successfully destroyed foes in Athens, and the gamecock faithful believed this was the year. "This is the year" we said, and we made our plans for Atlanta in December. However these high hopes soon fell apart, much like Britney Spears' marriage. What soon became evident was that we were not in fact, contenders. No, we were pretenders. We were only led to believe we were great. The man we call the ol' ball coach is a false prophet. He speaks lies and deceit... he cannot deliver to us a championship. And if he can't, who can? Despair overwhelmed me when I fell under the realization that if the winningest coach in modern SEC history could not turn our program around, then nobody could. Many a nights I've spent crying into my pillow... and occasionally biting it as I saw the highlights of Georgia moving up in the polls. Damn the bulldogs. Damn them all to hell. I can take this no longer. My heart has been broken too many times. A man can only have his heart broken by a woman so many times before he eventually stops taking her back; and the same should be true for football. That's right. I'm breaking up with the Gamecocks. I've decided to go with somebody else. I'm going to see Clemson."

Funny stuff.

[FanSmack]

why it should be ok to nap in class

[Tider27]

Guess the best thing to mention is that you still have the Ole Ball Coach, not the Ole Shenator.

[gatorunvrsty]

My fellow Cocks and Hens:

Much like you all, I stand before you today crestfallen. November 22nd and 23rd of 2004 were two days that will forever mark our hearts and minds; as Foghorn Leghorn announced his retirement, and a new, omnipotent, alpha rooster announced he would arrive on our beautiful campus, and lead the flock to glory. Indeed, this new ruler of the roost had proven he knew how to strut the sidelines. Ours would not be the first coup he would clean up. Famous for his comb, and feared by other leaders around our conference; a new dawn was breaking, and the one known as the "Ol' Ball Coach" would crow for us. Had he not already transformed his alma mater from a quagmire into "The Swamp"; universally recognized as the latest player and power on the gridiron? Surely, after his reincarnation from "Godzilla of the Gators" to "Pecker of the Palmetto", our yard was about to be permanently fertilized, and our program would grow like no other before it.

Three years later, this fertilizer still smells like poop. Don't get me wrong; I'm not yet ready to wring his neck, and baste his breast. But, we remain near the bottom of the food chain, and I'm beginning to feel more like an ostrich than a Gamecock. Our days of burying our heads in the sand are supposed to be over. Perhaps we were a bit hasty, and not realistic about what turning a program around actually entails. Our impatience can be justified, and is understandable; but, today, I am here to ask you all to "STAY THE COURSE"! Our best hatchlings have yet to show their pedigree on the field of battle. This IS NOT the first historical case of a rooster laying an egg. Our general will prove his prowess yet. I say don't be a bunch of capons... hold your beaks high! Our day of redemption is upon us! Just wait 'til next year!

CLUCK! CLUCK!

:happy:

[USCocks3]

My fellow Cocks and Hens:

Much like you all, I stand before you today crestfallen. November 22nd and 23rd of 2004 were two days that will forever mark our hearts and minds; as Foghorn Leghorn announced his retirement, and a new, omnipotent, alpha rooster announced he would arrive on our beautiful campus, and lead the flock to glory. Indeed, this new ruler of the roost had proven he knew how to strut the sidelines. Ours would not be the first coup he would clean up. Famous for his comb, and feared by other leaders around our conference; a new dawn was breaking, and the one known as the "Ol' Ball Coach" would crow for us. Had he not already transformed his alma mater from a quagmire into "The Swamp"; universally recognized as the latest player and power on the gridiron? Surely, after his reincarnation from "Godzilla of the Gators" to "Pecker of the Palmetto", our yard was about to be permanently fertilized, and our program would grow like no other before it.

Three years later, this fertilizer still smells like poop. Don't get me wrong; I'm not yet ready to wring his neck, and baste his breast. But, we remain near the bottom of the food chain, and I'm beginning to feel more like an ostrich than a Gamecock. Our days of burying our heads in the sand are supposed to be over. Perhaps we were a bit hasty, and not realistic about what turning a program around actually entails. Our impatience can be justified, and is understandable; but, today, I am here to ask you all to "STAY THE COURSE"! Our best hatchlings have yet to show their pedigree on the field of battle. This IS NOT the first historical case of a rooster laying an egg. Our general will prove his prowess yet. I say don't be a bunch of capons... hold your beaks high! Our day of redemption is upon us! Just wait 'til next year!

CLUCK! CLUCK!

:happy:

now THAT'S funny...haha. good job everyone, I feel inspired already. and maybe slightly dumber for having read all that...:laugh: