supergenius
10-06-2005, 12:28 AM
Urban at halftime of Bama game in the locker room:
Meyer: Well, troops, it was s tough battle in the first half. A real war out there. We’re losing some skirmishes, but that’ll happen in combat. We’ve been fortunate to keep casualties to a minimum…
Degory (Center): Coach, were you in the service?
Meyer: No.
Degory (Center): Then, what are you talking about?
Meyer: Well, I’m not gonna sugar-coat it. They’re handing us our ***.
Mincey (DE who ran his mouth): Impossible. They suck.
Meyer: As it turns out, so do we.
Wilbur: But you got a plan, right?
Meyer: Everybody has a plan ’til they get hit.
Wilbur: Does your plan involve more than clichés and war jargon?
Meyer: Okay, there are several things we need to address. First, Leak…
Leak: Yay! I win! I win!
Meyer: No, Chris, I mean we need to discuss some issues.
Leak: Okay. I got no girlfriend. I know I said I wasn’t gonna have one ’til we won a national champeenchip, but I get lonely. Sometimes I feel like nobody cares…
Meyer: Not that kind of issue. I mean we need to discuss some problems with the way you’re playing.
Leak: I got problems?
Meyer: Like a ’s got crabs. You tend to pitch the ball very quickly, sometimes when you’re open to run.
Leak: I noticed that when I have the ball, big people try to hit me.
Meyer: I’m glad to hear that you’ve learned at least that much about my offense. I really need you to learn a little more.
Leak: Can I have a sucker?
Meyer: No. Let’s talk about the running game. Currently, we don’t have one. We’re losing at the line of scrimmage… down in the trenches. We’ve got to take the battle to them. We must break through the enemy defenses and…
Degory (Center): Coach?
Meyer: Yuh-huh?
Degory (Center): You’re doin’ it again.
Meyer: Oh. Well, just, uh, how ’bout opening some holes
Degory (Center): Yep.
Meyer: Wynn?
Wynn (RB): What?
Meyer: Gonna need a little better effort.
Wynn (RB): I quit.
Meyer: Right.
Cohen: You need me at running back?
Meyer: Soooooooo not gonna happen.
Cohen: But I could…
Meyer: Nope.
Cohen: We could just try…
Meyer: Nuh-uh.
Cohen: Damn.
Meyer: Defense… I cannot stress this enough: they’re allowed to throw the ball. As in a forward pass. They have receivers and everything.
Herring (starting Safety): Bama?
Meyer: Yes, Bama.
Herring (starting Safety): They never did before.
Meyer: Well, they found some, and I really need you to cover them.
Webb (starting DB): How long is this game?
Meyer: ’Nother half-hour.
Webb (starting DB): I got places to be, ---- to do.
Meyer: We sorta have to win this game first.
Thomas: No problem. We’re better than them.
Meyer: Based on…?
Thomas: Ask anybody. Read the papers. Listen to the radio. We can’t lose to Bama.
Meyer: You read that?
Thomas: Well, I don’t read, but I heard it. We can’t lose. It’s a sure thing.
Meyer: Lemme tell ya 'bout prom night. I took Cindy Lou Freebush. Know why? Because she was a sure thing. Then prom night came and I didn’t. Know why? Because prom night happened to fall during her special time of the month.
Mincey (DE who ran his mouth): So?
Meyer: So, sometimes you get all excited because you think you’ve got a sure thing, and then a Crimson Tide comes along and ruins your evening.
Leak: Can we have milkshakes?
Meyer: No.
RTR
Meyer: Well, troops, it was s tough battle in the first half. A real war out there. We’re losing some skirmishes, but that’ll happen in combat. We’ve been fortunate to keep casualties to a minimum…
Degory (Center): Coach, were you in the service?
Meyer: No.
Degory (Center): Then, what are you talking about?
Meyer: Well, I’m not gonna sugar-coat it. They’re handing us our ***.
Mincey (DE who ran his mouth): Impossible. They suck.
Meyer: As it turns out, so do we.
Wilbur: But you got a plan, right?
Meyer: Everybody has a plan ’til they get hit.
Wilbur: Does your plan involve more than clichés and war jargon?
Meyer: Okay, there are several things we need to address. First, Leak…
Leak: Yay! I win! I win!
Meyer: No, Chris, I mean we need to discuss some issues.
Leak: Okay. I got no girlfriend. I know I said I wasn’t gonna have one ’til we won a national champeenchip, but I get lonely. Sometimes I feel like nobody cares…
Meyer: Not that kind of issue. I mean we need to discuss some problems with the way you’re playing.
Leak: I got problems?
Meyer: Like a ’s got crabs. You tend to pitch the ball very quickly, sometimes when you’re open to run.
Leak: I noticed that when I have the ball, big people try to hit me.
Meyer: I’m glad to hear that you’ve learned at least that much about my offense. I really need you to learn a little more.
Leak: Can I have a sucker?
Meyer: No. Let’s talk about the running game. Currently, we don’t have one. We’re losing at the line of scrimmage… down in the trenches. We’ve got to take the battle to them. We must break through the enemy defenses and…
Degory (Center): Coach?
Meyer: Yuh-huh?
Degory (Center): You’re doin’ it again.
Meyer: Oh. Well, just, uh, how ’bout opening some holes
Degory (Center): Yep.
Meyer: Wynn?
Wynn (RB): What?
Meyer: Gonna need a little better effort.
Wynn (RB): I quit.
Meyer: Right.
Cohen: You need me at running back?
Meyer: Soooooooo not gonna happen.
Cohen: But I could…
Meyer: Nope.
Cohen: We could just try…
Meyer: Nuh-uh.
Cohen: Damn.
Meyer: Defense… I cannot stress this enough: they’re allowed to throw the ball. As in a forward pass. They have receivers and everything.
Herring (starting Safety): Bama?
Meyer: Yes, Bama.
Herring (starting Safety): They never did before.
Meyer: Well, they found some, and I really need you to cover them.
Webb (starting DB): How long is this game?
Meyer: ’Nother half-hour.
Webb (starting DB): I got places to be, ---- to do.
Meyer: We sorta have to win this game first.
Thomas: No problem. We’re better than them.
Meyer: Based on…?
Thomas: Ask anybody. Read the papers. Listen to the radio. We can’t lose to Bama.
Meyer: You read that?
Thomas: Well, I don’t read, but I heard it. We can’t lose. It’s a sure thing.
Meyer: Lemme tell ya 'bout prom night. I took Cindy Lou Freebush. Know why? Because she was a sure thing. Then prom night came and I didn’t. Know why? Because prom night happened to fall during her special time of the month.
Mincey (DE who ran his mouth): So?
Meyer: So, sometimes you get all excited because you think you’ve got a sure thing, and then a Crimson Tide comes along and ruins your evening.
Leak: Can we have milkshakes?
Meyer: No.
RTR